Saturday, December 27, 2014

Forward.


I know I’m a few days late, but I just wanted to say Merry Christmas to all my friends and family!  This year was my first “fully-Zambian” Christmas since the past 2 years I have been with my family, and it was a wonderfully simple reminder of what’s important.  For most Zambians, Christmas is just another day.  Yes, it’s a holiday and yes, they celebrate Jesus, but there are no Christmas trees or big dinners or presents or cookie decorating.  It’s mostly just a day to be with your family and reflect on the miracle of Christmas itself.  As they often do, Zambians continue to teach me the beauty in simplicity and I am forever grateful.

As I look back on this past year, I am in awe of how far God has brought me.  As many of you know, this year was very difficult at times and I struggled with a lot of loneliness and uncertainty of my role here.  But there have also been moments of extreme joy and triumph that make all the pain worth it.

I finished my second year of full-time teaching a few weeks ago, and I could not be more in love with my students.  As we have three teachers for 6 classes, we split into morning and afternoon sessions.  I teach Grade 2 in the morning and Grade 4 in the afternoon.  My Grade 2 class astounds me each and every day.  I have never met a group of children more eager to learn than these 17 students.  When we started 2014, most of them could only read simple sight words like “the” and “we,” but now they are reading entire books.  I often catch them “sneaking” into the Grade 4 classroom to get books from their library basket.  They make me laugh every single day. They are growing up so fast, but they are still just little kids who long for my attention.  “And me, teacher!” are the words I hear most often as another student wants to read for me or solve the math problem on the board.

My Grade 4 students are maturing every day.  We were given 25 Bibles when the team came to visit in June, and they LOVE that there is one for each of them to read from.  They had a blast reading all about Abraham’s family tree and the crazy, broken people that God chooses to bless throughout the Bible.  This class is my “rabbit trail” class that often gets sidetracked with all sorts of interesting questions.  This year they’ve asked about everything from America’s fight for independence to how makeup is made.  They are so eager to learn and I find myself praying on a daily basis that I have the right answers to give them.

I am constantly reminded how lucky I am to be living this life.  I know there are so many people who go on short-term mission trips and dream about doing it long-term.  I also know how difficult it is to make those dreams become a reality.  I remember how challenging it was in my own life to get here, and I sit in awe that God allows me to be here every day.  I can’t tell you how often I think about YOU, the people who make sacrifices and read my updates and spend time praying on my behalf so that I can do this ministry.  I am humbled by each and every one of you and I pray that God blesses you for the way you have blessed me.

As many of you know, the other highlight of 2014 was my engagement to Christopher Zimba!  Chris is a wonderful, godly man whom I met at church shortly after moving here in 2012.  We were friends for a long time, started dating in January of this year, and are now busy planning an August wedding!  If you had told me when I left for Zambia 3 years ago that my story would end up like this, I would have thought you were crazy.  I am still amazed at how God brought everything together, but I am so incredibly grateful. 

As I look forward to 2015, I can only imagine the testimonies that will come of God’s unending grace.  There is still so much I want to see happen at Haven of Hope, and I know that our directors and sponsors will be working hard to make sure those dreams become a reality.  There are still many battles to fight in 2015, but I know that if God brought us this far, He will not abandon us now. 

At the end of 2013, my church family gathered together to write down our dreams and prayers for 2014.  After writing, we planted them in the ground with faith that God would be working on each and every one.  In preparing to start another school year at Haven of Hope, I want to share some of my big prayers for 2015 with all of you.

1)  I pray that each of my students stays at school this year.  Every year we have students leave because of family situations or lack of commitment.  I don’t want to see that happen in 2015.

2)  I pray that I come to school every day with Jesus’ eyes.  That I forget my own worries and exhaustion and truly SEE my students.  That I look for ways to pour into their lives on a deeper level.

3)  I pray that the school building in Ndola is completed in 2015.  I can’t even begin to tell you how important it is that we have bigger facilities so we can offer hope to more children in Zambia.

4) I pray that our students continue to excel in their studies.  I pray that they become proficient in English, their comprehension skills improve and that they learn to think critically about all subject matter.

5)  I pray that I can raise all the finances I need to continue with this ministry for another year.  My yearly goal is still $18,000 and thanks to my amazing monthly sponsors, I am about 40% there.

Thank you for reading all of this and for journeying with me another year in Zambia!  I have full confidence that 2015 will be another year of God’s wonder and I am so ready to see what He has in store for us all.

In Christ Alone.
-Amy Munn (soon to be Zimba J)

Monday, September 1, 2014

Weary.


It’s almost been a year since I wrote in this blog.  Even now as I sit here, I’m not sure what words to write.  If I’m being totally honest, most of the things that I have to write about aren’t good; which I suppose is the reason I’ve failed to write in so long.  They are ugly and painful and heavy and not what most missionaries want to write about.  We want to show the good stuff.  The beautiful journey God has brought them on.  The victories.  The progress.  The lessons they have learned.  But today I can’t really share those things.

Today I sit here broken.  This past year in Zambia has been one of the most difficult of my life.  I have never felt more alone.  Never faced so many challenges. Never been so overwhelmed by worry and stress.  Never questioned or doubted God’s plan so much.

I have come to learn the truth that when you give you heart to God’s work, the enemy likes to work overtime.  Every step forward you seem to take, Satan is right there to push you back.  He needs you to lose hope and give up.  He loves bringing confusion, frustration, miscommunication, division and discouragement into the things God is trying to accomplish.  He likes making you feel like your voice isn’t heard or your efforts don’t matter.  He loves reminding you how truly damaged this world and the people in it can be.

And when that’s not enough, he simply attacks your heart.  He loves beating you down over and over again until that little bit of passion you once had is completely gone.  And most days, that’s where I feel I am.  Do I love what I do?  Yes.  No question.  I am over the moon in love with the students at Haven of Hope, and I know they deserve someone to fight for them; but some days I wish it didn’t have to be me.  Some days I wish my eyes hadn’t been opened and I could go back to living in blissful unawareness of the pain in this world.  Some days I wish I could go back to normal life and let someone else carry this burden. Some days I wish I didn’t have to rely on other people’s generosity to meet my daily needs.  Some days I simply show up to school and go through the motions.  Some days I wish I didn’t have to feel all alone. 

I can’t tell you how difficult it is to write these words.  To open up my wounded heart and share it with you.  I like being Amy, the girl who never stops smiling.  The girl who gets to live out her dream every day.  The girl who knows she is doing exactly what God created her to do.  But I’m tired of wearing that mask.  It’s exhausting trying to assure everyone I’m okay 100% of the time.  I’ve weary from carrying this burden and it’s time for me to ask for help. 

I need your prayers like never before.  I need prayer for more passion.  To be refueled.  For strength.  For wisdom.  For direction.  For patience.  For trust.  For a submissive heart.  For courage.  For faith.  And most of all, for the love of Christ to be evident in my life.

I hope that you don’t read this and start to worry about me.  I know I’ll be okay.  Even though I might be walking through a valley right now, I am surrounded by people who love me and encourage me daily. I guess I just need to make that team of support a bit bigger.  I’m slowly learning that I can’t always be the one taking care of people…I have to let others hold me up at times. 

Despite the challenges of this year, GOOD things are still happening.  I have so much to be grateful for.  Even on the days when I collapse onto my pillow in tears, I get to fall asleep knowing I am weary from doing something that matters.  I have seen my students improve.  I have so many stories to share of LIFE change.  By simply showing up every day, I get to tell 86 students that they are WORTH my sacrifice.  And even when ministry is overwhelming, God has graciously given me a family here in Zambia that have walked with me every step of the way.  I have a church that encourages and challenges me.  I have friends who listen and give me their shoulder to cry on.  I am blessed beyond measure and I can’t thank God enough for what He’s done in my life.  I know that stages of heartache are simply part of being on the front line.  I also know that God gave me everything and everyone I need to get me through these stages. 

{So with you holding me up, I will keep on fighting.  Because this fight is worth it.}

Thank you for reading this.  For following my journey.  For loving me.  For encouraging me.  For praying.  You will never know how much it means to me.  It is truly the lifeline that keeps me going here in Zambia.

God bless you, dear friends.