Fickle.

55 more days.

Fifty.  Five.  More.  Days.

I don't even know how to put into words what I'm feeling.

People keep asking me if I'm nervous, and I can honestly say that of all the emotions going on in my head, that is not one of them.  I know that might seem strange for a 23 year old girl to say about moving to Africa for a year, but I'm entirely too excited and joyful to let nerves get in the way.

I think it has to do with the fact that I've NEVER been more sure of anything in my life.

If you've never heard the song, "Awake My Soul," by Mumford and Sons, I suggest going here (Awake My Soul) and listening asap.  The rest of this blog will make more sense if you do...

I LOVE the line, "Where you invest your love, you invest your life."  (Kinda named my blog after it.) But if you know me at all, you know that the opening line definitely strikes a chord with me.

How fickle my heart.

How fickle, indeed.  Maybe it's because my family moved every 3 or 4 years, but I feel like my life has been a series of "phases."  There was the "I want to be a dolphin trainer at Sea World" phase.  And then the "I want to live in Ireland for the rest of my life" phase.  One day I'm in love with a boy and planning to get married and the next I'm declaring my independence for the rest of my life.  I jump from one television obsession to another.  I considered changing my major every week while I was at Taylor.  

I'm certainly not proud of this part of my personality, but I've come to recognize it's influence in my life.  The biggest which is my habit of second guessing every decision I ever make.  I doubt myself.  I doubt my emotions.  I doubt pretty much everything because I'm terrified I will wake up in a few months having outgrown my latest phase.

There are only a few things in my life that I have NEVER doubted, and they are the things I cling to.  The truths that carry me through.  Truths like:

There IS a God and He loves me and has a beautiful plan for my life.
My parents love me.
Working with children is my passion.
Money will never make me happy.
Kindness and compassion towards others makes my life more joyful.

And the truth that I have know since my senior year of high school, 6 years ago:


I am called to Zambia.

For a girl who struggles against self-doubt every single day, KNOWING something is kind of a big deal.  Having confidence does not come easily.  But God graciously planted this vision DEEP down in my soul so that during the agonizing six year process, I would never give up.  So that when door after door was slammed and it seemed like my dream was fading into the world of "some day," I would be able to cling to the promise of Philippians 1:6.

"being CONFIDENT of this, that He who began a good work in you WILL carry it on to completion."